The idea for this blog came to me one night, well early morning really, after my second restless night in a row. Partly due to high levels of caffeine running through my system, my mostly to an overwhelming and sinking feeling that I’ve created a life I am miserable with, and by no fault of others. But rather due to a lack of being present in my life, I’ve been on Autopilot, wasting day after day, feeling empty and unfulfilled watching my life and youth pass me by because I’m too chicken shit to grab it by the balls and actually live my life. And not just any life, my dream life, the one I’m always day dreaming about or comparing myself to.
I had the thought that if I don’t do something now, I’ll out the rest of my life always bored, uninspired and discontented, ultimately ending up living a life of regret and what could have beens, regretting not putting myself out there and trying.
I’m curious to see if all these things that I dream about are really attainable, curious if my dreams can come through to be cliché, and if they will really make me happy or will it be all in vain? I don’t know but I have to try, because the alternative, is mind numbing, and suffocating at its core, in my mind it is my black ball of smoke that is slowly taking my hostage dragging me down and down until I can go no deeper than my own grave.
I’m fuelled, by my endeavour of real meaning and happiness, and by the notion of the power of my mind, I know like most people, that if I put my mind to something and leap with confident faith towards my goals, like anyone, good things usually result from and are rewarded by this type of tenacity. But through several life experiences I’ve found myself at a point in my life, where I am so frozen by fear and ‘perceived illnesses’, held back by my own detrimental and negative thought patterns that I feel like if I don’t do something now, in what feels like my 11th hour, I’ll be destined to a life of misery regrets and will one day wake up an old and bitter woman, in morning for her youth and her life, with no one to blame but myself.
So then what’s the point of this blog? The third blog I’m starting in the past 5 years, well from that sentence I hope you can gather that honesty and transparency will be a big part of it. But firstly and foremost I intend this space to be a creative outlet, where I can un-bottle my thoughts and express myself fully, hopefully in a way where I can rediscover myself.
I want this blog to be a place of inspiration and of personal growth, a place of experimentation and accountability. And lastly a place to document my experiences, where I can put myself under the microscope and see if I can uncover the truth about happiness, I want to experiment with the idea of the power of the mind, and how this relates to being more proactive and present in my life. To invite adventure and courage into my life with the ultimate goal of achieving my wildest dreams, to witness myself transform into a doer not an observer. To find out if my dreams are even attainable, if you really can curate the life you desire, and ultimately how will this affect my overall happiness.
So if you somehow find my blog, I welcome you to my journey, I am tentatively excited and a little nervous for what might be around the corner for me. At The most basic level I hope this blog serves as a source of inspiration, both for myself as a way out of the isolation, depressive, stagnant and fearful life I’ve created. And also for you, the readers and potential friends, as we all search for adventure, happiness, meaning and connection, and hopefully find it.